from Oakland University today. My mom came in the house with the mail and stuck this letter from OU in my hand and said, “This little letter came from Oakland in the mail today, but since it’s so tiny, I don’t think it’s your admissions letter. You can open it though, and let me know, just in case it is.”
Right away I pretty much knew what it was, I just didn’t want to say anything to my mom because my heart was thumping in my ears and my throat instantly dried up. It was a small letter, so I tensed up. I heard somewhere that the smaller letters are rejection letters and become fearful that I was rejected. I slid my finger under the flap (and got a paper cut in the process. Sheesh.) and retrieved the note from the envelope. When the letter was finally unfolded and in my hands, my mind went totally blank aside from the words on the letter, “Congradulations! You’ve been accepted…”
I don’t remember the last time I smiled so wide. “No mom, it’s the admissions letter. I’m accepted!” My mom was so proud it was ridiculous. It made me so happy to make her feel like I’m an accomplishment. She kept walking around the house and saying how excited she was, and how excited I must be to have my first (and maybe last, depending on what Eastern’s verdict is) college acceptance letter. My dad was happy too, only he’s more subtle about it. And my sister didn’t really react in any form, but that isn’t so shocking.
Speaking of my sister…I’m still worried about how she is, and how she’ll do in high school. So do my parents. At Link Crew a few days ago, a few of my freshmen rolled their eyes and made disapproving noises when I announced who my sister was. I’m really worried now. Like, seriously worried. I can’t believe it took me so long to figure out she’s possibly being bullied at school. My dad told me to watch out for Megan and to kind of hang out with her in high school while we were running errands earlier today, but I feel like there’s only so much I can do. We won’t have classes together, and possibly not even lunch. I can only keep my eye on her for so long. Besides, if I totally take her under my wing, she’ll be lost after this year, after I graduate and leave the high school. I want her to meet new people and find new friendships. She can’t do that if I’m always following her.
I feel like I’m caught in the middle of two big emotions. I’m so proud/happy with myself for being accepted into Oakland…but I’m worried/stressed about my sister. And AP Psych homework, which is super confusing. Bleehhh.
Boy B- I probably will never ever mention him because he pretty much fell off the face of the earth.
The kind that just kind of fall off the face of the Earth are the best kind though. :P
(via palahniukandchocolate)
This would be my dad and brother, if my dad ever got the chance…
Oasis broke up the other day. :( I signed on to my computer this morning, happily drinking my orange juice and ready to plow my farm on facebook, when the Yahoo! news section popped up. The story was one of the top 4, and of course it was partially responsible for wrecking my day. I say partially due to the fact that my day wasn’t fantastic for another reason, but I’ll reach that soon.
Noel announced that the reason Oasis split was due to the fact that he could no longer interact with his brother, Liam. Ouch! I mean, I think everybody knew the band had problems. They were caught fighting in various interviews, and would heckle each other constantly. My opinion on the matter is that it’s too bad that you can’t get along with your sibling to the point where a perfectly good and successful band is suffering.
But then I started thinking about my previous opinion. Is that making me a hypocrite? I think it’s not secret that my sister and I barely get along. We live under the same roof, act politely to each other (for the most part), and eat our meals together. But aside from that, about seventy percent of our time is spent verbally abusing each other. Even my mother said it’s too bad that we have to have such nasty behavior towards each other. It made me think of Liam and Noel from Oasis. I can’t remember who it was at the moment, but one brother stood by at a concert while the other was beat up by a fan. Another time, Noel feigned a sore throat and claimed to be leaving a set Oasis was supposed to play, but only to be seen in the audience, heckling his brother as he sang. And I started worrying, seriously worrying. This is as far fetched as the stars up in the sky, but if Megan and I were to ever start a band, would that be us? I want to say no, but sometimes I wonder if we would be forced to ride in separate tour buses as Liam and Noel did.
I <s> am going to try </s> will act as a better sister to her. She’s entering high school in a week, and especially now, she needs a real, mature older sister. I feel awful for not being awaken to how distant we were sooner.
I love this picture.
A few people were wondering how it was that lead me to name my tumblr with the name I did. It was actually inspired by a poem by Theodore Roethke. I had read it once before, but what really made brought it to my attention was when we read it in my Honors English 11 class this year. Mr. Hanley passed it out and said he found it at Roethke’s grave. He wasn’t sure who had left it there, and he wasn’t even sure what it was about, but he loved it nonetheless. He read through it once, and I wanted to read it thoroughly again, as parts and pieces of the poem would leap out at me, almost like that first shock you receive when you jump into a chilly pool. I saved that poem, and it’s taped to my mirror in my bedroom. I realize this may make me “weird” or “geeky” or adjective you want to use, but the first action I take in the morning is reading this little poem taped to my mirror, and before I crawl into bed at night, I read it through once more. I’ve been doing this since I got the poem about five months ago. I have my views and opinions on it, but I want everyone to be able to read it here and formulate their own thoughts on it. It’s definitely a beautiful poem, and I would even say that it’s my favorite poem.
The Waking
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me, so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
- Theodore Roethke
I was in a nostalgic mood earlier, so I decided to go through last year’s school yearbook and read the comments people wrote about me. To be honest, I didn’t pour over them in the same manner that I normally would in previous years, so this was only my second time reading them thoroughly. And the thing is, it really started sinking in for me that I’m going into my senior year, along with everybody else in the class of 2010. At first it was just a change of pace, “oh lets look at colleges, oh one more year left.” A frame of mind even. But now it feels like it’s actually happening. It’s a really strange feeling. Yesterday I was almost ready even to go away to college and meet new and fascinating people. Now…now, I just want to stay in Fraser and go to school dances with the same group of friends I’ve gone to Homecoming with since sophomore year, pass notes in between classes with Christiani, laugh over everything in lunch with Julie, and enjoy what little I have left of being considered a “kid.”
Does anyone else feel this way, or is it just me?
In addition to being asked about the genres of literature I read and where I want to attend college after graduation, I’m often grilled about what I want to major in. As I’ve indicated before, I have a huge desire in studying English/Writing/Literature at Eastern. There is even a major that is combined as the three I listed above, so it’s perfect. But whenever I tell people who ask what I want to major in, they don’t seem to think it’s so perfect. About 90% of the time, I’d say I get the same response, which is as follows:
“You know, there aren’t many jobs out there that require English teachers. If you ask me, I’d say you should study another field.”
The first problem with anyone who responds to me with this is that I wasn’t asking you what I should major in to begin with. You asked me what I was majoring in, and I’m merely answering your inquiry. I don’t want your advice about how math and science would be more successful. I realize that those jobs are in demand, yes, but I have no desire at all to pursue anything related to anything but English, literature, or writing creativily (or basically, being a teacher). It doesn’t make sense to me, personally. Why would I waste my time doing something I hate and a subject I’m terrible at? I wouldn’t be contributing to society at all. If anything, I would just be plunging it into an even bigger hole than the one it’s been spiraling into. As for the shortage of teaching jobs and anything related to English? All I have to say to that is, life isn’t always easy. I know mine hasn’t been. It hasn’t been easy watching my dad battle MS at a young age, witness my brother’s diagnosis with Autism, miss half of fifth grade sitting in the hospital. And that’s only a highlight of the hardships I’ve gone through. The point I’m reaching at is, if I’ve gone through so much already, what difference would it make to search a little harder than most other people for a job? I’m willing to take any job I’m offered and to search until I accomplish finding one after graduating from college. If I’m willing to put forth the time, energy, and passion for my field, then I think people should stop worrying about what I want to study. English has been and always will be what I care most about. I’ve been writing poems and stories since I learned how to write in first grade, and reading books since I learned how to read effortlessly sometime in second grade. I’m positive this only enforces my point of wanting to be an English teacher. If you’re not convinced by this point, then I think you should be worrying about your own job being in jeopardy instead of my future. ;)
I’ve been trying to accomplish a good amount of AP Psych homework before orientation on the 25th, and for about four days I wasn’t really able to go online more than ten minutes because the basement flooded. I’ll start going back to tumblr fairly regularly.